INNOCENT

Oh, johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone in the basement
With lennon and cobain and
A guitar and a stereo

And while he wishes he could escape this
But it all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
And a song that has no soul

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

Oh, I dreamed of losing faith and what she knows
And some music hits on the foreclose
Thinks of surgery and a new nose
And the galleries of war

And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that shed never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

One day, youll have to let it go
Youll have to let it go
No...
One day, youll stand up on your own
Youll stand up on your own

Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we are...

We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are all innocent (youll have to let it go)
We are, we are (youll have to let it go, no..)

We are (one day), we are all innocent
We are, we are (youll stand up on your own)
We are, we are all innocent (youll stand up on your own..)

We are, we are all innocent

Je T'aime A La Lune: Unending Love, Amazing Grace

Avant de commencer, j'aimerais certainement dire que ce qu'il y a sur cette page, est personnelle, et je vous demande de le garder privee...

Before I begin, I would certainly like to say that what is on this page, is personal, and I ask that you keep it private...

*sigh*

My Drum Corps adventures this summer were wonderful! Really made my summer!

Now about the DC experience!

Highlights: 1) Seeing Matt Hopson and Nick Mennecke for the first time in at least 8 years. What a neat connection it is to have Drum Corps in common. You feel like everyone else in the world is an outsider... I love it. It's a community in itself. Thank you guys if you ever read this. I had a great time! I went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas and Six Flags Over Texas along with three Drum Corps Shows in Texas with Matt... and in Indy, Nick showed me the essence of being gay - pure enjoyment all the time. What a great guy! Sure would make a great catch for anybody!
2) Taking in the Drum Corps experience from an outsider's perspective, especially during rehearsal - you really get to see the hard work that goes into rehearsals but you don't quite feel it I don't think. As I sat back, drank some sweet tea and was sweating in the shade, the Cavaliers practiced some excellent pieces of their show - it was excellent. And to hear the hornline jamming out THRILLER... funny! And so cool. And to watch the Blue Stars rehearsing, to hear Frank Sullivan's voice over the megaphone and not have to raise my hand or pay 130% attention, was frankly a bummer. I really enjoyed spending time with Dooley watching rehearsal and going to Chipotle for dinner with his gramma (who is SO cool by the way).
3) The Blue Stars Ballad- powerful and touching even to the people who never went to war, or never felt the kind of pain to send others to war.. their intro had Pure Pulsating Power and Poignant Patriotism...
4) Crown's Introduction- BOX 5

Surprises: 1) Boston Crusaders - where did you come from!!! Almost as good as 2000. Great comeback this season!
2)SCV was only OK.
3) Blue Devils swept everyone else away, but it would have been wonderful and an even bigger surprise if Crown had WON!

Overall, it was wonderful. I loved Texas (all the chicken restaurants and all the mexican food (Tamales, burrito's, tacos, chips and Queso - not con queso I guess).. I loved the nightlife in Indianapolis... first time at a gay bar.. let me tell you HOW FUN IT WAS! Didn't have to worry a thing about anybody hitting on me.. it was wonderful... so perfect.

THANK YOU DRUM CORPS for coming into my life before I was ever born... You are a huge part of my heart and my soul.

p.s. I love to dance and sing!

The Drum Corps shows... a recap

My top favorite corps was probably Bluestars... it was the most powerful show to me... well right next to Blue Devils of course.. their show just put it all out there. It was a jammin' good time, and it's easy to call them the victorious corps this year. EASY. I was very impressed with The Holy Name Cadets show - much better then the last few years, and Carolina Crown was phenomenal - I love BReathe Dah!

Great week in Dallas/San Antonio. Drum corps shows were wonderful, friends were great (Dooley, Anthony, Matt, Linda, Brandie, Briana, Justin, Heather and Bal) too bad I didn't get to see Ryan or Gomer but life happens that way sometimes. Six Flags Fiesta Texas was fun! The roller coasters were a blast, the trip back to Dallas was beautiful and the company was great.

Altogether it was a fabulous time here in Texas, I can't wait to come back! P.s. it's so damn hot here.

Only two kinds of people come from Texas... and you don't look much like a steer to me!

Bonne Fete a moi, bonne fete a moi, bonne fete, bonne fete, bonne fete a moi.

Trois competitions de drum corps dans une fin de semaine! C'est formidable! Que j'aime la famille Drum Corps. Et ce soir, les Bluestars on eu une place de plus que les Phantom Regiment...

Tomorrow night I actually get to SEE the Bluestars ... yay! Then the plan is to header off to ze gay barrres pour le fun avec de costumes et bonbons! Ca vas etre une belle visit a Texas. J'ai vu mon ami Dooley ce soir, et je me suis allez a Chick-fil-A avec Matthieu C. H. et son belle amie Kate. C'etait d'fun.

Merci encore vous autres a faire une belle fete pour moi!

HONESTY

If you search for tenderness

it isn't hard to find.

You can have the love you need to live.

But if you look

for truthfulness

You might just as well be blind.

It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.

Everyone is so untrue.

Honesty is hardly ever heard.

And mostly what I need from you.

I can always find someone

to say they sympathize.

If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.

But I don't want some pretty face

to tell me pretty lies.

All I want is someone to believe.

Honesty is such a lonely word.

Everyone is so untrue.

Honesty is hardly ever heard.

And mostly what I need from you.

I can find a lover.

I can find a friend.

I can have security until the bitter end.

Anyone can comfort me with promises again.

I know, I know.

When I'm deep inside of me don't be too concerned.

I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone.

But when I want sincerity

tell me where else can I turn.

Because you're the one I depend upon.

Honesty is such a lonely word.

Everyone is so untrue.

Honesty is hardly ever heard.

And mostly what I need from you.

The Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che to dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede ce
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi

Sento che ci salvera

Watch Over Us Dad

Thoughts are running WiLd

Such a mellowdramatic feeling to be a girl sometimes...

How do we know where we are?

Who am I? What am I? What do I want? Where am I going? How should I get there? Am I good enough for it? Am I too good for it?

My mind races a mile a minute tonight... and the one I can confide in is as open as an uncracked walnut. That makes this very difficult... the apathy is disturbing and my mind is restless... I want to cry.

Everytime I want to cry, I feel my dad and the emptiness his absence has brought in my mind, in my life. I cry. Self pitty mostly. How can I go on with my life without the major influence like him? I don't feel his presence... he's gone.

My life... my ambition without his guidance feels empty. What am I working for? I miss my dad!

I sit here crying with such an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and fatigue... I have to be up in 5 hours yet I can't get to sleep for the life of me. My mind is racing full of anxiety and fear of the future.

My heart is a sunken ship ... the weight it has tugging at it whenever I really consider the loss I've had to deal with during the last few years is totally relentless. The weight is relentless... It won't go away... it can hide while I pre-occupy my thoughts with new things. A new apartment, new goals, new views, politics, God, drum corps, Jason, family, misery, happiness all things that matter most to me.

He brought meaning to my life... he brought a sense of pride out of me that I miss now. We used to eat sunflower seeds together on the couch while watching basketball or hockey or football. He always explained anything to me if I didn't understand what was going on... Now I look like an idiot if I ask any questions... he always loved me even though I asked the stupidest questions.. he always had an answer that didn't make me feel dumb. He always played into my inquisitive side by telling me to "ask jeeves" or "google it".

Most days now I can pretend I'm not always thinking about him... it's hard to walk around with a nametag bearing his last name - it's still comforting though. People ask "oh, were you related to that police officer"? I feel like saying no, my dad died.. he was more of a father to me then a police officer - but that's how they've labelled him. Nobody walks up to anybody else who's lost a loved one to say "oh, were you related to such and such? I'm so sorry... what tragedy"... what tragedy - where to even begin?

Jason, if you're reading this ever, I love you. If it's God's will, I will always love you. I need to learn to trust you more... I'll keep praying about it. I love your style, I love your love.

My anxiety might be coming from my obesity too... in the past year I've gained 55 lbs... in my butt, in my thighs, in my belly, in my back, on my arms, in my calves, in my face, under my chin. We got a new scale thta tells us what we're made of... %fat, %muscle mass, %water , weight and it shows you how your fat percentage is considering your age and height... I was at the maximum... basically obese I think. But he loves me still.

I really miss my dad - he should be here. but he's not. so i have to move on. but how?